Review: Real Vampires Don’t Sparkle by Amy Fecteau

Real Vampires Don’t Sparkle
By: Amy Fecteau
Publisher: Curiosity Quills
Published: June 9, 2013
Genre: Paranormal

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 Matheus Taylor didn’t ask to be murdered.

To be fair, the percentage of people actually asking to be murdered is probably small enough to be safely ignored, but he felt it was worth stating regardless.

His life might have been ordinary, but it was his life and he wasn’t done with it yet. Quin didn’t care. A seventeen-hundred old Roman, Quintus Livius Saturnius had a different view of morality than most people. Killing Matheus and hijacking his undead existence seemed perfectly acceptable to him.

Now, Matheus spends his nights running for his life, questioning his sexual orientation, and defying a mysterious new threat to the vampires within his city. Not that he set out to do any defying; he just wanted to be left alone.

Unfortunately, that was never going to happen.

Just like the title suggests this is not your typical vampire story. There is no love at first sight. No tame “vegetarian” vampires. What there is though is a gruesome story about a guy who was turned against his will, bonded to his Sire and must come to terms that the things that go bump in the night are real.

“Forget what you saw in the movies. We don’t turn into bats, we don’t sparkle, and we don’t have sex with our prey.”

The book is written in Matheus’ point of view and I must say, I am not a Matheus fan. He whined throughout the entire book. Every chance he got he complained that Quin turned him. He must have called Quin a “bastard” at least 40 times in the story if not more. All he did was bicker with Quin and whine about his circumstance. He also was thoroughly confused about his sexuality the entire time. He would feel things for Quinn but then push him away, and sulk in his room. He constantly would say “I’m not gay” to the point that I just wanted him to shut up.

“People in Zambia know. The anal-probing aliens that pick up hicks on back roads know. When they buzz by in their invisible spaceships, they go, ‘oh, not Matheus Taylor. We can’t pick him up. He’s not gay.'”

I thought Quin’s character was really interesting. He is but isn’t your typical vampire. Granted he has no qualms about killing humans for his food, he has a code and he sticks to them. For instance he will not attack pregnant women or children. There’s even a part in the book where Quin senses a pregnant women is about to become a meal and he kills the vampires who were about to attack her. He also gives Matheus spaces when he needs it, buys him the car that he wanted but knowing that Matheus wouldn’t accept a car from him, he says he bought it for himself but since he doesn’t drive, Matheus will have to drive the car for him. But at the same time he was conniving and ruthless when it came to getting answers or when dealing with other vampires. He was by far the glue that kept the story together.

“Quin’s smile was open and innocent and as fake as the tits on a stripper.”

I liked that there weren’t butterflies and rainbows to this story. There was a lot of action between the hunt (hunters who release vampires in a remote area and hunt them for sport), vampire conflict and then the big climatic point in the story, there was a lot going on. I really wish that Matheus wasn’t such a pansy the entire time but he seemed to finally come to terms with the hand he’s been dealt both with the vampirism and his sexuality. The one sucky part about this book though, it literally just ends. I was a little confused when I flipped to the next page and found the acknowledgments section. There has got to be another book after this since there are so many questions left unanswered. The bad guy (to the vampires) is still loose and at large. If the author does write another book to this story I will definitely pick it up. I just hope to God that Matheus grows up in that book.

“You’re a stalker. That’s creepy. Really goddamned creepy. Stop following me. They give out pamphlets about that kind of behavior. Showing up in a pamphlet is never good, Quin.”


4 Thoughts on “Review: Real Vampires Don’t Sparkle by Amy Fecteau

  1. Lol. I love the quote…whiny vampire…whoduthunk? Lol. Great review!

  2. I love vampire books! This sounds great and the title is funny, LOL.

    I am assuming it’s a reference to the Twilight books…did you like them?

    My blog is

    • Just the title but the book itself is nothing like Twilight. I have read those though. Never did fully understand the whole diamond sparkling thing.

  3. This is on my Kindle as we speak, I’m glad to see that you enjoyed it.

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